A true housewife, is a decadent housewife

So, I got this book from my sister for Christmas, The handbook for the Decadent Houswife, by Rosemary Counter. The Toronto based writer has written a few other books, with a similar writing style, which I am very curious to read more about soon, hopefully!

Before opening this lovely present, my sister told me that this is something written for me! And it's totally true. The sense of humor, the extreme feminist way of thought and the extravagant decadence is just hilarious. Every page I turned in this book has had my face muscles working out one way or the other! I have been meaning to make a blog post summarizing, expanding and brainstorming the ideas written in this book- and now, that I have vacation until the 13th of February, I finally found some time to sit down and hopefully pull off a few smirks, knee-slaps, or a few other people who will buy this book! And of course, most importantly, convert some traditional housewives into decadent housewives. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 1: 7.30-11.30 am, A good beginning

Decadent housewives are not meant to be morning birds. So lay lavishly in your bed as your hubby wakes up and gets ready to go to work. He's the money maker after all, so whisper a few good-girl-gone-bad words into his ear to start off his day well, and of course to make sure he is awake and gets out of bed on time, so you can have more space to snooze away until the rays of sunshine brutally open your eyes (My gosh, poor unfortunate soul, way to wake up...)!

Making breakfast is out of the question, of course. For a decadent housewife at least. If you are a traditional housewife, and make him breaky each day, men complain about burnt toast, bad milk... So keep breakfast for the very special occasions, so he can have no previous comparisons in mind. Anything will do then. For now, keep it at coffee. You get away with it, putting in as little effort as possible, and not much of a going-wrong-ratio. Sublime!

When you finally had your beauty sleep completed, first thing you do when you are out of bed- analyse yourself in front of the mirror. Once you realize that your beauty sleep really didn't change anything about your looks, get going! Take a bath.

If you have time, take an applauding long bath. If you don't have time, make time. Trust, it will be worth it. Plus you are going to be multitasking; working on your body and soul, making phone calls, Sip on some Champagne, chain smoking... Make sure you have an enormous amount of bath and beauty products waiting for you to test them out. Just smear them all on, save time not reading what they are needed for. Just make sure you don't pull a Mean Girls move, and smear foot cream on your face.

Le make-up routine is up next. But first let yourself air-dry. No need to use a towel, this is for the rushed people. Just take your time, smoke another cigarette, read some more celebrity goss, or parade in front of the window to tease your next door neighbor. All while you air-dry. Chill out, no worries, there is no rushing in any decadent housewives' life!

But it's really time to cake on that foundation to hide the real monster... After you apply that mask, generously apply concealer (all super models swear by it). Then powder your visage to seal the deal!

Lipstick is an essential, and you don't match the lipstick, but the lipstick will match you. Capiche?
Mascara is another essential. Apply an enormous amount, to get those sexy, thick, unnatturally long lashes. Watch out for the spider-leg effect, though. Or just go with the fake lashes, daily decadent behavior for the real one's.

Get dressed, gal! Wear a gala-ball dress to organize your bookshelf (color-coded of course, alphabetic order is sooo passé), organize your filthy overloaded closet with your red Jimmy Choo's on, or your Louboutins, as you wish.Then flaunt your silky soft skin, with a silky soft Japanese kimono. Those fluffy bathrobes are not chic, hun. Get your sexy on! Or dress like a French maid, your household chores will be soon be forgotten.If you are done with all this, before 11.30, use your backup checklist.This checklist consists of other beauty treats that could fill up your time ( cucumber eye treatment, washing face with stimulating circular motions, spraying perfume in the air and walking through it, ...)

Now, your good beginning should be made. Are you getting a feel of the horrible * cough cough* life of a decadent housewife? Stay tuned for chapter 2, Long Lunches and Brunches.

Xoxo, your Decadent Housewife in training.